What’s my name?

When the days are rough and you are so exhausted that you can’t even remember who you are, it’s nice to have that one person to come home too.

My husband always has dinner waiting and arms to wrap around me when I come home. He knows me like no other human knows me.

He always knows my name and what I need even if I can’t remember.

I Make Mistakes

I’m not perfect. I admit to making mistakes. Sometimes small mistakes and sometimes big ones. Still, I am just a human.

I did not make a mistake when I promised him forever. Nor did I mess up when I took his name.

My marriage is the best thing to happen to me.

I know that my relationship with my husband is good because I made mistakes. I know what not good looks like and I know what it sounds like. Our marriage is not anything like the bad ones.

I admit to making mistakes. Loving and being loved is not one of them.

Look A Man

It is no secret that I have been married more times than the average human. I was never looking for a husband when I found one. I got married for all the wrong reasons. Maybe if I share them with you, you will not make the same mistakes as I did.

But wait you say….Aren’t you currently married? Yes. I am married to the man who I loved me first. Life happened and we married other people. Eventually we found our way back to each other. I do not recommend doing life the way we did. It was difficult.

However, the main reason I think my husband and I are so compatible is that we learned a great deal of how not to be married the other times we were married to other people. The biggest lessons we learned from failing at marriage or relationships are this:

  • You can’t change another human to be what you need. A narcissist or a bully will not change unless they want to change.
  • Love unconditionally. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t.
  • Don’t look for a human to save you. Be able to save yourself.  When you know it is time to walk away, walk away.
  • A good relationship or marriage is built on unconditional love, respect and freedom.

Yes, freedom. If you let go of conventions that say marriage is an “institution” and that you spouse is a “ball and chain”, you will see that marriage is one of the most freeing things you can enjoy.

Allow your spouse to be themselves not who you think they should be. Let them pursue happiness. You will find that you and your spouse will be connected in ways you never dreamed.

Unconditional love is never a cage for hearts.

That’s What I’ll Be When I Grow Up

I love the Red Hat ladies. They seem to not have a care if people think they are crazy old women. Most of the ones I know are crazy and really don’t care what you think. I wonder when they were little girls if they wanted to be confident old women one day?

We teach our girls to reach for their dreams. We tell them there is nothing they can’t do. We sometimes forget to teach them the struggles that will come with their path to greatness. We forget to remind them there are consequences for behavior.

As a mom and yes, grandma of girls, I like that society leans to encourage girls to be fearless and confident. They need to know they can do anything they set their minds too. We have come a long way since the days of Joan Cleaver and the housewife standards. We have however lost something along the way.

Our girls are not the weaker sex but they are different. I would like to see a mainstream movement of less Bitch in charge and more Strong Woman as partner. Not less, not more, but as a Unique Creation that women are meant to be.

We, woman were not created or meant to be the same as men. We are meant to be Us. Different, amazing and powerful in our own right. Women can be true to who they are without being less of a human, too bitchy and harsh.

The woman in Proverbs 31, was not weak, but courageous and smart. She was not her husband’s footstool to be used as a lesser being. She was a brilliant jewel to his shine. A complement to her family. She was the polished bright other side of the same male coin.

Women were meant for a different kind of greatness. A woman’s power comes in knowing she can be supernatural.

Trust

Warning: Today’s thought is deep.

Who do you trust? It’s easy to say, “I trust you”, do you really though? What does that mean?

The trust I have for coworkers and friends is different from the trust I have for my children. The trust I have for my children is different from the trust I have for my husband. My trust for my husband is at the core of all my trust. I have levels of trust. I picture them as circles from the one closest to me where there is only me and him, circling out. He’s got the equivalent to top secret all access clearance to all of me and my soul. All other trusts I have built upon the foundation of that sold rock of my relationship with him.

What does that look like in real life? What trusting my husband means to me is that I trust him to diligently do things in a way that will not deliberately hurt me physically or emotionally. I trust him to keep his promises to me. I can say beyond a doubt I completely trust only my husband at this level. I center my life around him. He and he alone is my person. The only soul I place in higher esteem is God. Period. I will cut loose a whole different side of Lori if you in anyway attempt to infiltrate that circle. I trust he does the same for me. When I say we trust no one the way we trust each other, that means no one.

Then together, as one we provide the same for our children. We are their parents, protectors and providers. Not only is this the only way to be married it is commanded by God, “As the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Eph 5:31

When I say I trust my husband, it does not mean that he will not make mistakes. It does not mean that I trust he will never hurt my feelings. He is human and therefor fallible as am I. For the record, he has never hurt me. That fact alone makes me trust and love him more every day.

Trusting someone in that way so completely is terrifying for some people. For most people it takes time to build a bond that tight and unbreakable. Trust like that takes effort on your part and the person’s who you are building trust with. It is best accomplished one on one, just you and your person. There is no room for another soul in that circle. Put another circle a bit further out. That is for the children. Then continue with others in your life. You might move people around from one circle to another, but never into that space reserved for the one you love most.

As soon as you add another soul into your second circle a child, a friend, whomever, you better have a foundation of unwavering trust with your person or your relationship will blow away like dust on the wind.