Brendan & Lori O'Gara

It is no secret that I have been married more times than the average human. I was never looking for a husband when I found one. I got married for all the wrong reasons. Maybe if I share them with you, you will not make the same mistakes as I did.

But wait you say….Aren’t you currently married? Yes. I am married to the man who I loved me first. Life happened and we married other people. Eventually we found our way back to each other. I do not recommend doing life the way we did. It was difficult.

However, the main reason I think my husband and I are so compatible is that we learned a great deal of how not to be married the other times we were married to other people. The biggest lessons we learned from failing at marriage or relationships are this:

• You can’t change another human to be what you need. A narcissist or a bully will not change unless they want to change.
• Love unconditionally. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t.
• Don’t look for a human to save you. Be able to save yourself.  When you know it is time to walk away, walk away.
• A good relationship or marriage is built on unconditional love, respect and freedom.

Yes, freedom. If you let go of conventions that say marriage is an “institution” and that you spouse is a “ball and chain”, you will see that marriage is one of the most freeing things you can enjoy.

Allow your spouse to be themselves not who you think they should be. Let them pursue happiness. You will find that you and your spouse will be connected in ways you never dreamed.

Unconditional love is never a cage for hearts.